RUMP Zine #01
with Bri Robinson
“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” — Voltaire
Watch this Instead of Scrolling
Instead of Spotify, Listen to this Record
Image that Moves Me
From Shuckin’ and Jivin’: Folklore From Contemporary Black Americans by Daryl Cumber Dance
Time for Grace
These newlyweds had just gotten married and so they went on to where they were going to stay that night and stared to get undressed to go to bed. So after they go undressed, the girl got in the bed first. So the man got down on his knees and said, “Lord, make us thankful for what we’re about to receive for the nourishment of our body.”
She said, “What are you saying grace for? You say that when you’re going to eat.”
He said, “What in the hell you think I’m gon’ do?”
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So tell me how Bent are you?
Virus or Bacteria? Big GERM
Preferred Pronoun? THEM
What Periodic Table Element are you? Ts
Favorite Object? That damn phone
What shape are you? OVAL
Give us a texture. Crunchy. Or Ashy
Anarchist, Socialist, Capitalist, Libertarian, etc. Sagitterrorist
Favorite person of Color that you disagree with? Monique (the comedienne)
What sound are you? Fat bitch booty claps, reverb and a tingling harp.
Jeff Koons, Damien Hirst, or a Broken Copper Pot? Hirst
What’s the last thing you broke? My pinky nail
Last person you kissed? Monique (not the comedienne)
Best thing about men’s right activists? Their mustaches
Do you meditate? I certainly should
Are you a Neutron Star, White Hole, or Solar Flare? Hole
Which fetish are you? Klismaphilia, EDERACINISM, Fornifilia, OCULOLINCTUS : Klismaphilia the way i shit on these hoes
Your opinion on Lesbian Separatist absolutely correct.
Favorite Mythological Character? Chupacabra (afro latinx queen)
What type of Cancer are you? TROPIC OF…
Matriarchal Punishment or Patriarchal Redemption? Matriarchal Punishment
Who do you actually hate? A FAKE GAY BITCH
Best regrettable purchase this month? Jolibee
Finish this sentence. I know Kim Kardashian…be saying the “I hate niggas more than the N*zi’s” line from Kanye’s 2007 song, Can’t Tell Me Nothing.
Your favorite body of water. The lip of Lake Erie
What’s the most middle class thing you’ve done this week? Used Venmo
I’m only politically correct when…niggas are recording
What’s your favorite scar on your body? Idk you tell me.
Last time you cried tears of joy. Sunday
Your most noble trait. My mouth works and I can read.
I know the taste of…a good jazz cigarette.